surgery

when God performs it
you don't get t go under
it hurts

this is what i'm learning.
not angry so much after having let all that out
now just hurt
realizing that I bit off more than I could chew asking God to fix me. . .

good thing I don't have to chew this alone

I have much support from the families that He's placed in my life
much comfort from His word
and peace from His spirit

"it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace." -sanctus real

I don't know what the future holds
and  that is a huge part of those moments of anger
those
"God how can I do without this", or those "God why would you put this on me"
moments

but I know His plans aren't to harm me
no matter how much they HURT right now

it's better to have a bad tooth painfully pulled
than to let it get to the point where it ruins everything else and actually harms you

sigh

thinking today . .
how much do I really pray for me
I don't think I pray for me enough

I don't think I pray for my future enough

my future spouse
my future children
my career

I don't pray for these things much. . .

I need to do this