Bring my hopes back to You

So this past year has been a very steep uphill climb
from throwing my hope into relationships and gambling all my feelings away
to bringing things to light in my life for the sake of God growing me and replacing
bad with holy

In all this one of the biggest things that has stood out to me is that
I have had a really rough run this year when it comes to throwing hope
into relationships. Unhealthy relationships at that.
I've "fallen in love" and been hurt massively twice
in the end after looking back at it all I was simply lonely
and wanted somewhere to place hope of not being lonely

not in a I want friends lonely type of way
but in a I want a girlfriend
I want a wife type of way

in this loneliness I decided that I would deter from God's plan on my life
and go seek out relationships. . . .
I put a lot of stock in that
and I do mean a lot!

both times led to promises of forever
and to satisfy my heart what we called forever just simply wasn't enough

It began to damage me spiritually and emotionally
I felt crippled and all because I felt lonely and decided to
go run down dead end streets instead of into the arms of Christ

As i read scripture today I was reminded
that my hope should never be put in humans, but instead in God

Psalm 146:3-5 Do not trust in nobles, in man, who cannot save. When his breath leaves him, he returns to the ground; on that day his plans die. Happy is the one whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God

not even in the noblest of people should I place my hope
because even if we were together for a long time
eventually . . . that person is gonna die
and if my hope was in that person then when they die
my hope dies with them

If i put all my stock into a person 
it doesn't matter how good of a person that person is
when they die I'm suddenly poor!

The stock market has crashed!

And that's only if the friendship/relationship makes it that far
We could get into an argument and simply never talk again

putting our hope for true life into a human being 
is not good for us because it's not a solid place to put our hope
HOWEVER

Christ is eternal and He never fails us
He is always drawing us near to Him and always there to comfort us in sadness
He is always there to be with us in loneliness
and ultimately HE RESCUES US FROM THE PITS OF HELL
that we are SO DESERVING OF!

this is the friend who doesn't abandon us over an argument
but instead waits for our return and loves us even in His waiting
When we return to Him and confess that we were wrong and need Him 
He is faithful and Just to forgive and cleanse us from all unrighteousness
and He doesn't just stop there.
Guilt and shame get to leave too :D
He lifts us up again

I know because He is lifting me up

now this isn't a 2 minute process
Christ begins picking us up and we hold on to Him
but through the picking up He comforts us and heals us

So after it all
I remember my calling 
I remember that I'm not living to hope in people
but living with hope in Christ and living to bring hope in Christ to people

I made a mess and I know that God is going to make beauty out of this mess
through correction and healing and lifting me up to rise above it all

Romans 8:28 and we know that God makes all things work together for the good of those 
who love Him and are called to His purpose

even our messes!
He makes them into beauty!