My brain is going crazy/ warped generation

okay this will be a two part blog

part one
Lately I've been trying to record music and it just hasn't been going well for me
my minds been stressing out and I'm just not comfortable lately
School just kicked up and I've been stressing on the condition of my band
I went to a concert recently and with my band not practicing
I wondered to myself . .
in the condition this band is in right now will we ever make it here
and I just kept telling myself no

i've been really discouraged when it comes to music lately

I haven't stopped trying just lately i've just been discouraged
like some days I wonder if even my own friends have bought the CD
I wonder if it's actually good
I wonder if I'm the only one who listens to Goodnight Saturday

I wonder if we will ever get another gig here
I do a lot of wondering about the current Goodnight Saturday situation
and when it comes to leading worship

I wonder if I'm leading people in worship
or if I'm leading them in song singing sometimes

not I actually think that can be a healthy wonder

I really don't want to ever even with GNS being more on the Christian "Pop" genre
I don't want to ever just be leading people in song singing

I wonder if I'm reaching anybody
I wonder these things lately

it's another one of those things where I know the plans God has for me are good for me
because they bring Him glory, but right now things just seem so grim
for both bands and I really need wisdom on what to do
because I am the leader of both bands

(le sigh)

Part 2
okay so I was reading Philippians 2 today and I got hit with this part

¹⁴ Do everything without grumbling and arguing, ¹⁵ so that you may be blameless and pure,children of God who are faultless in a crooked and perverted generation, among whom you shine like stars in the world. ¹⁶ Hold firmly to the message of life. Then I can boast in the day of Christ that I didn’t run or labor for nothing. 

When I read the part about the crooked and perverted generation something hit me

what hit me, you ask?

the fact that a perverted generation is not a new thing!

a generation of grumblers and complainers who complain and grumble about

what they do and don't deserve is nothing new

a generation of people who delight in sin is nothing new

whose minds are desensitized. This stuff isn't new

has it gotten worse? Maybe! However it isn't new.

We are not up against a generation that God can't handle!

We are not up against anything that God can't use us in!

I find strength and courage in this because I know that God is for me!

I know that He won't forsake me and even when I am afraid to speak about Him

I know that I can. 

all of this is nothing new

I want to be like Christ even among the generation I live among

and I want to start fires because of it

I want the flame of Christ, not the flame of religion, to burn from the inside out

of me and because of that flame I want others to catch fire with me

I don't want ordinary living

I want extraordinary living

ordinary living has become warped

I want to live a life that isn't warped among a warped generation