Love and bumbs

I remember where I was when I first started this blog
December 11 2011

It's crazy to see how God has grown me in just a little over 8 months
into what I am to

learning to understand that a relationship with God is just that
that I'm free to have feelings of anger and hurt toward Him
and I'm free to express those feelings to Him, so that He can heal them

Learning to be patient, and wait on Him to show up and do crazy things
learning that no matter how grim things look
for those who are called to His purpose and love Him
He makes all things work together for good Romans 8:28

that has been my life verse for a long time

but I think that my heart is just now

really starting to get it

love goes beyond obedience

obedience can come out of fear

and God doesn't just want us to fear Him

as if He is some crazy tyrant on a power trip

God desires for us to love Him

to truly love Him like He loves us

and not only does He desire that,

but He empowers us to do that

in the weakness of our flesh there's no way that we could love God,

but in the power of His love we are able to

it's so mysterious it's insane

let me tell you

there are shows that I used to watch,

that made fun of God, back when I was early in my walk

that I can't even watch episodes that don't make fun of Him anymore

not because I'm an extremist, but simply because

I love my God and I don't want people to talk crap about Him

DAS MY DADDY 

YOU DONT TALK ABOUT MY DADDY LIKE THAT

and honestly back then 

when I really didn't get it

I laughed 

i thought these things were funny

now days I see they hurt Gods heart

because God desires the maker of those shows heart

incredible thought

but I know He does

even here in the past few weeks

it's been an uphill climb and there are days

when my arms get weak 

and my body feels heavier than ever,

but God doesn't stop cheering me on

and He doesn't stop climbing with me

When I slide down a little bit

He doesn't just throw me a rope

He either catches me

or comes down to meet me and we get to climbing again

and honestly on days when I just want to slide down

He lets me

He allows me to suffer those consequences

and that's love

Love allows consequences to be felt

He's  rescued me from  sin and shame

I'm headed to heaven, 

but He does let me feel some bumps on the way

God is not a tyrant

Maybe there was a part of me that was always 

kind of fearful that He might be

all I ever really knew growing up was tyrannical people in my family

but God shows me more and more each day

that's not Him