Wednesday, December 21, 2011

when it all began

I wrote this when the downhill fall began. . .
now that I'm back where I belong I just think to myself "wow!"
it had been a very long time since I'd felt anything like this.
but now by the grace of God I'm at peace again
no more sitting around and being anxious
but now I'm where I belong



"Pick This Brain of Mine for a Moment"


Sometimes I wish that I could be bitter.
I wish that I could be simply inconsiderate.
I'm pretty sure others wish this too.
To be able to fight compassion and win.

Yeah. I am a Christian.
and sometimes I do wish these things.
Nobody likes to get done wrong all the time.
Not even Jesus.
He took a beating and was nailed to a cross,
but He didn't do it with a smile
He did it knowing the end result.

Unfortunately for me I don't know how all this compassion 
will turn out. My lack of bitterness for other people sometimes
causes me to wonder . . if I'm just plain STUPID for allowing people back in.

I know I'm a work that's not complete and all 
and yes I do hope for heaven and know that I have abundant life here.

But hey . . feelings happen yknow.
I think the song "These Hard Times" by Needtobreathe really sums up 
how I feel right now.

I dont consider myself the wisest of people.
but I do know this. 


The way I feel right now
is not how humanity was meant to feel

this past week i've felt like just giving up . . . 
not like committiin suicide or anything
but just felt like just giving up

it's not a feeling I like feeling
I usually feel like I can conquer the world 

so what does someone in my shoes

pray pray pray
remember the promises of God
and remove the things that are causing those feelings

=/

not saying i can't be inconsiderate, mean, or bitter.
but I can't be those and be okay with it.

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