Day 4: A fight with forgiveness

So much pent up hurt
so much resentment that I never knew I was really holding onto
and what's worse is that I knew I was holding on to a lot of things
but not this much.....

it's not stuff I haven't talked to people about
it's just stuff that they've disregarded. .
and maybe that's what hurts the most....

the fact that I know they aren't sorry
and I feel like I'm owed something

but it doesn't matter ya know
I don't want to feel this way anymore
I just want to forgive them anyway
I don't want to feel like I'm trapped in a cell of my own unforgiveness

I've thought about writing letters of forgiveness to people

sending them to them . . 

or even throwing them away

so much yes where no should have been in my life

so much

I'm sorry if this seems to be depressing to my readers

but it's really something that needs to get off of my chest and out there in the open

so many times where I've felt stabbed in the back

and for some reason they still haunt me

and the worst part is. . . .

i didn't even really realize how bad it was

until today

I thought I had all this under control

but I don't

Lord fix me

Fix my heart to be forgiving to those who have hurt me

help me to trust that vengance is yours

and to love them regardless 

with a true love

amen